Chen, only 4% of women consider themselves beautiful, a survey claims. What is beauty and how important is the self-image for a fulfilling existence?
To consider yourself beautiful is not about some image we need to attain, it’s about self-love. It means that when you look in the mirror you love what you see. Most women cannot even look at themselves in the mirror without being critical of everything that is imperfect. Have you ever noticed how when you get to know someone and you really like their personality they seem more beautiful? It’s the same when it comes to seeing your own beauty. When I do an exercise of self-love with a client in front of the mirror I get them to find things that they love about themselves. It’s amazing how when they do they seem to me more beautiful and when they judge themselves they stop looking that beautiful. I can see the internal conversation on their faces. How we feel about ourselves affects how our beauty is perceived by the world. I love showing these two photos of my self-image when I was 20 and now:
It didn’t matter what the world saw and if they considered me beautiful. What mattered was that when I looked in the mirror daily what I felt inside affected my self-image. I didn’t feel beautiful even if the world thought I was. And when I resolved the problems the external changed too. I also know people who are not considered beautiful at all, by cultural standards, and yet they are super attractive because they exude this attractive energy, because they know what they are worth. What you feel about yourself is how you meet the circumstances in life, that is what matters. Learning to love yourself is about learning to accept everything about you – good and bad – with love. If you don’t accept yourself fully, then you teach others to not accept you either.
Whilst on that topic – how dependent is the art of seduction on physical appearance?
It’s not really dependent on physical appearance.
The purpose of seduction is to create a meaningful relationship. Can you describe how a meaningful relationship looks like?
I believe that a meaningful relationship is one where you never stop investing in no matter how busy life gets, and you give it a priority. When you look at relationships that keep the fire alive over the years, they do what they can within the existing boundaries and they never drop the ball when it comes to the relationship itself. If you want to be healthy you have to eat well and train. You don’t expect to be healthy by sitting on the coach, eating fattening food and dreaming of having abs. If you want a loving and exciting relationship you have to keep making it loving and exciting or it won’t be. You have to work at it. It actually doesn’t take much to do it – people can do little things, but most people stop over time, they get stuck in the security and comfort of having the relationship forgetting they also need to create fire. This leads to infidelity or divorce in many cases. To give you a simple example – a man or a woman can initiate this – Imagine the man coming back home seeing his wife – he kisses her neck lightly, touches her hip in a sexy way and walks away looking at her like she is stunning, desiring her. It is the same for the woman but men like to be touched in the chest and shoulders. The trick is to keep the fire alive with little things and not wait five minutes before we want to get intimate. I want to emphasize that we have to give it a priority because many people don’t know how to shut down their mobile data and disconnect from work. So how can they be focused on seducing their partner in the best of ways if they are not present emotionally? Seduction requires logical effort, daring, our full attention in the moment, creativity and more. A Zen teacher I had in Japan once said to me –
when you eat you just eat, when you read you just read.
Meaning, whatever I do, I am present, I am a 100% there.
Would you reveal what your seminars are like and what the ladies will take with them when they leave the seminar?
The female weekend is a two day event that connects women to their innate feminine power where they get to be soft yet assertive, and then learn how to turn it into influence power. It’s about coming back home to ourselves. The first day is more internal and the second day is more external. In the first day we work on vulnerability, trust, boundaries, realizing how our body is a tool for self-awareness, bringing out pure pride which makes our self-confidence shoot up and the body language of sabrosura and the connection to self-love. The first day is challenging because it both brings out a lot of unresolved issues as well as the magic and the butterflies we feel when we get to self-love. The second day is more about the connection to others and how we can impact our environment for the better, how to turn all of this into influence power. We first learn how to light up the fire of desire which is what lies at the core of relationships but also at the core of sales, marketing, negotiations and more. Then we work with language that causes interest learning how our language impacts others for the better or the worst. We move on to learning how to lift the other person emotionally which generates energy for us and leaves a memorable impression on them. And finally we end it with a deeper connection and a final party to celebrate our growth. It’s two full days that really cause a powerful shift. The knowledge impacts both our personal and professional lives.
Chen, today you are a life coach, dance instructor, motivational speaker, entrepreneur, international best-selling author, your TED talk has more than 4 million views, nonetheless you have been through some very heavy periods in your life. Where did you start from and how did you get here?
I started in the Animation industry in Canada. I was in it for close to a decade working on lucrative projects all across the country. But I wasn’t happy working 14 hour days 7 days a week. I wanted to launch my own business with an aim of making a difference in the world, something that will impact it and feel worth fighting for. I left the industry and went back to school to get a business degree. I then did something that very few did in my school – launched a business and worked on it in every class I took. My business became my thesis for really understanding what worked in the real world, and my teachers became my business advisors. It started with a Cuban dance academy and grew over the years through the business courses I took, that taught me to identify trends and opportunities in the market. In 2008 I launched the exclusive Cuba tours which are still running today. In 2010 I self-published my book – My Seductive Cuba – which became an Amazon US and CA best-seller, and won the prestigious IPPY book award in NYC. In 2012 I walked onto that TED stage and delivered a powerful talk that showed seduction with a 180 degrees twist. I’ve since developed the men and women’s programs of the Art of Allure & Human Connection which are the answer to the 4 million people asking me non-stop to teach them how to do it. I’ve gotten where I am today because I leave myself only one option – success. Every time something fails I just consider it a temporary setback and try to figure out how to do it right. I just never give up. But it also has to do with self-worth. Considering that my life fell apart completely when I was a kid and I suffered for ten years from suicidal thoughts, I had to get to a really healthy place in my life. I feel solid, solid enough not to make any failure mean anything about me. It all starts within. The journey turned into the inspiration for my project and the driving force for making a difference in the world. To create a meaningful job and life we have to pick a cause greater than oneself.
Read more about Chen Lizra and her website.
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